Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
