Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
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