Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
