Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
