You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
