Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
