Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize