singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Randomize
