coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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