you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
how does that bad decision feel?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
