she looked like the bat from fern gully.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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