all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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