Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You can't just leave with hair like that
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
