Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
