i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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