I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
