Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize