I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
