he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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