So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
