so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Randomize
