is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
