shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Randomize