We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize