Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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