I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
