I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
