you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
