Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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