Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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