I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
