I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
