That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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