I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
