A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize