You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
