so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
