So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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