I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
