I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
