We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
