i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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