She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
