after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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