The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
