He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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