So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
