well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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