i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
