i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
