he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
