How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Randomize
