So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
