so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Randomize
