i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
