i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
