So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize