If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
