You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
