mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
