how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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