Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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