I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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