it was like his penis was on wheels.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
