Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
