I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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