My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
