I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
