you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
