so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
