Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize