and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
