she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
