I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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