; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
