Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
