i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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