i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
