Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
