i need an iv and a liver transplant
thus making me awesome and them whores
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
