i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Small penises have feelings too.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize