Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
There's always time for handjobs
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
