Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Oh god it's open bar.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
