The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
