So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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