Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
