Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
