It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize