Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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