How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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