I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
