I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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