chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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