we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
