is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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