I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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