U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
