Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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