I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
