this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
40s are totally the cure
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
