Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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