So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
