the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
