the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
