I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
