Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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