haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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