I'm gonna have a badass scar
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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