I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
