I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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