At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
