why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
