If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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