is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Nicole vs. Life
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
