It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
