Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize