dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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