Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
